I’m sorry for all of the conscious and subconscious judgment that I give out to the world, toward others, and myself. There is such beauty all around me, which I often brush to one side. I’m sorry that I am ungrateful of all that I have. The moments when I become aware of these short conscious thoughts often makes me want to cry tears of joy. I am sorry that I sometimes doubt when I want to give. I’m sorry that I expect something in return when I do a good deed. I need to work on this. I want my act of giving to be something that does not feel good, but should come naturally. I’m sorry that successful people make me feel threatened and not good enough. This is often subconscious and I find it difficult to admit. There is lots of bad stuff going on in my subconscious. Truly fucked up stuff that I feel adds a burden to this world. I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry that I expect a job when I apply for it. I’m sorry for any and all expectations.
Please forgive me for seeing people as non-perfect. Forgive me for viewing people as a victim that I need to heal. I am not perfect. I am a fog of soot. I cannot see the light within the dark. Forgive all of the conscious and subconscious thoughts that I have at every second. Forgive me for over thinking. Forgive me inner child for my self-hate. I’m not sure why I cannot love the self. Forgive my need to be accepted and loved. Forgive the fact that I cannot marry myself for better or for worse. Forgive me for seeing the worst in others. Watching a movie last night, Captain Phillips, made me see that even the ‘bad’ people often try to do good, but the desperation clouds what starts out as a fundamental need to survive. Forgive me for any judgement given out to others, conscious or unconscious. Forgive me for detaching from the people I love and who rely on me for support when I feel afraid.
I love you for showing me my weakness and flaws. I love you for giving me an opportunity to do right. I do not know what this prayer is doing for the Universe right now, but I have a feeling of peace within me as I write these words. I love you for giving me the opportunity to give without an expectation in return. It is hard but I’m working on surrender in my world of control. I love you for showing me the areas in which I need to work on.
Thank you for the little writing jobs that are put my way. I am always so frightened of surrender because I might be wrong or judged a fool for even believing in the unknown. I try to control every single aspect of my life, from fighting the banks and Government, but I do forget about my inner child who needs to be nurtured, not hated in scorn. Thank you for helping me to remember what I have. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. Thank you for helping me to see the beauty in others, rather than the flaws. Thank you for nature who help us to survive every single day. Thank you for this opportunity to write this and humble myself to a higher power. Thank you for allowing me to give money to those in need.
Whatever is in me that is causing suffering to those I love, the world, and strangers conscious or subconscious, I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.